I was fortunate to open my email this morning and discover an update from Tara Sophia Mohr, writer and champion for women to “Play It Big.” I first heard of Tara when a good friend told me about her “10 Rules For Brilliant Women.” That post was chock-full of juicy wisdom that got me thinking about myself in a compassionate, supportive new way. I hadn’t read it for a long while, but she was interviewed over at Whitney Johnson’s site yesterday and the post reminded me of one of the cornerstones of success, happiness, and a life well-lived.
“We – especially those of us trained in critical thinking skills for our work – often act as the critics, the skeptics, the analysts, in relationship to our heart’s desires. There are moments for that – moments for strategizing and planning with a critical eye – but they are rare and they come later in the self-actualization process. First, and primarily, we need to be the nurturers and unwavering friends of our heart’s desires.”
When I first stumbled on it, the idea of being an “unwavering friend” of my own heart’s desire seemed ridiculous. Self-indulgent. Selfish.
But as I’ve put this theory of self-love and acceptance to the test, I’ve found that the flight attendants are right. You really do need to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others. In other words, if you don’t have love (or energy or compassion) for yourself, you don’t have it to give to others. Period.
I know it’s not easy. It isn’t easy to trust yourself. It isn’t easy to even know what you want many times. It takes practice like anything else, especially if you’ve been told all your life, either overtly or otherwise, that other people’s needs are more important than your own, that other people are smarter than you, that other people know what’s best for you.
It isn’t true.
There will never be another you in all of creation. Nobody else has ever lived your life, so the reins of your life’s destiny belong in your hands alone. This path you’re on, it won’t always be lit by a bright beacon. But there are signposts.
Listen to that small voice of whimsy.
Follow your urge.
Wonder about the long-forgotten dream.
Pay attention to fear.
And finally, ask yourself, “What would I do if I knew it would make me happy?” When you find the answer, do it. Hold your own hand. Find your way back home.